Recipe: Guacamole

With Cinco de Mayo approaching, I can’t think of anything more useful than a lesson in guacamole.

Get yourself a molcajete, or a gay boyfriend, and you can serve-it-up fancy like this!

INGREDIENTS

• 4 Haas Avocados (those are the dark bumpy ones – easy to find)
• Juice from one lime
• 1/4 Red Onion, diced super-fine (possibly rinsed*)
• 1-2 Tbs Cilantro leaves, chopped
• 4 Roma/plum Tomatoes, diced (see note*)
• 1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
• 1 tsp Kosher Salt

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Scoop-out the avocado flesh and put in a large bowl. Dump lime juice over the avocados. Add the garlic powder and half the salt. Mix with a potato masher until it reaches the desired consistency.
2. Stir-in the tomatoes, onion, and cilantro. Check seasoning – add the rest of the salt if needed.
3. Move from the large bowl to a fancier chip dippin’ bowl.
4. Let rest in the fridge for a little while.
   1. Cover the bowl with a piece of plastic wrap.
   2. Press the plastic wrap down so it directly touches the guacamole.
   3. Cover the bowl with another piece of plastic wrap (if you can afford avocados, you can afford to double-up on plastic wrap)
   4. Note: if you end-up with leftovers, wrap in the same way and put back in the fridge for a day – 2 days is probably too many
5. Eat and enjoy.

RECIPE NOTES

• Avocados >> Usually, from the selection of avocados at the store, you’re either making guacamole TONIGHT (OMG, THEY ARE READY THIS FUCKING SECOND!) or next weekend – meaning that they’re either soft as pudding or hard as a rock. When choosing an avocado, you ideally want one that gives “slightly” under pressure from your thumb and doesn’t feel like a rotten banana. If you can only find…
  • Pudding Soft: Don’t buy them! The avocados are probably beat-to-shit inside and you won’t be satisfied. If your avocado is perfect consistency, but you’re not making guacamole for a few days, pop it in the fridge. The refrigerator slows the ripening process. Boom, avocado time travel.
  • Rock Hard: Delay tonight’s guacamole plans, leave those avocados on the counter, and they’ll ripen within a few days. “People” suggest you can speed-ripen an avocado if you store in a paper bag. The reason is some fruits emit ethylene gas, which triggers the ripening process – the bag forces the avocado to breathe its own ethylene. Adding an apple to the bag is supposed to make it ripen even faster, but I haven’t noticed too much difference. Note: guacamole is awesome, but it’s rarely an urgently-needed emergency provision.
• How do I remove the seed from the avocado? >> What I do, and it’s recommended by every chef out there, is to halve the avocado (the seed will be in one of the halves) and then, using your knife, lightly “chop down” on the seed – embedding the knife into the seed, then twist the knife/seed – loosening and removing the seed. To get the seed off the knife, I pinch it off with my fingers into the trash. No muss – no fuss.
• How do I prepare the tomatoes? >> When dicing the tomatoes, you only want the flesh – not the gooey juice and seeds. So, slice-off the “sides” of the tomato only and ditch the seeds and pulp. That way, you’ve got only what you need and it won’t water-down the guacamole. Who’s the smart one now?
• Why use Roma/plum tomatoes? >> Those tomatoes have the most surface area per volume. Since you only want the sides, why pay for juice and pulp? Seriously, why?
• No hot peppers? >> Nope. I don’t want to muddy-up my perfect guacamole with heat and spice that will overwhelm the entire thing.
• Why rinse the onion? >> Raw onion is pretty pungent, and you don’t usually want all that onion flavor overpowering the rest of your delicate flavors. If you’re planning to prepare and eat the guacamole all at once – your onions will probably be ok. BUT, if you think the guacamole will be a multi-day treat, the onions tend to take-over the guacamole – rinsing will tamp-down their power slightly. After the onions are diced, rinse them under cold water – then drain – and they will add just the right amount of onion and not ruin the rest of the thing.
• What’s with the instructions for the plastic wrap? >> If left-out in the open air, cut avocados will turn ugly brown. Touching the plastic directly to the guacamole minimizes the exposure to air. The second layer of plastic is additional insurance, BUT it’s not foolproof. If your guacamole gets a little brown, just stir it up – the taste will not be affected.