Our friends at Food Network have some advice for hosts this Thanksgiving. Let’s check-out the wisdom:
What’s on the menu this year at Food Network? Failure.
- Christian Petroni: It’s meant to be fun.
The funnest part is eating an excellent meal. The cooking should be like a grueling triathlon only enjoyed in reminiscence. - Christian Petroni: Make some dishes a day or two in advance, and “toast-up” in the oven the day-of.
Some things can be cooked before the day, but you should be starting first-thing in the morning on Thanksgiving to ensure 1) things are cooked by the deadline, 2) you’re serving “fresh” “day-of” food, and 3) you have plenty of slack time for Thanksgiving Bloody Marys and NFL Football (note: the Bears are playing again this year – I don’t know if that’s a good thing…) - Alex Guarnaschelli: Don’t make a menu when you’re starving – it’ll be too big.
This is good advice if you’re an idiot. - Alex Guarnaschelli: Make your menu, then cross half of it off, then start cooking.
This is like a road map to failure. If you want to impress, you need to go for it! - Carla Hall: Put pots on the stove to see what will fit – then put sticky notes on the pots to remember what’s to be in them.
More advice for idiots. Thanks? If you don’t know what fits on your stove, and can’t remember what to put in the pots, you’re not ready… - Carla Hall: Cook the turkey alone in the oven.
Good advice, but this sound bite doesn’t tell the whole story: Cook the turkey alone so it’s cooked on-time and thoroughly. Then, rest the turkey on the counter loosely covered with foil (a turkey can rest for a long time) while you finish-up oven items. You should have pre-cooked oven items in the morning before the turkey was inserted. - Giada De Laurentiis: Don’t make everything. Make the turkey and one side – let your friends and family bring a side or bring a dessert.
This is BULL SHIT! Thanksgiving is your time to shine. It’s like the MF’ing Super Bowl of cooking. If you succeed, your friends and family will reward you with admiration and respect. If you apologize with a turkey and a side, people will know you are a poseur. Your choice. - Christian Petroni: Just try to relax – it’s not that serious.
Um, it’s serious. I am judging you. All. The. Time.
Here are my tips:
- General: Don’t fuck it up.
- Planning: Use my timeline. It works like a charm.
- Menu: Stick with a standard menu – swap out, or add, one item per year. Why only one? Because when it’s a failure, your guests can fall-back on the other successful items.
Standard menu: Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, corn, cranberry sauce, and rolls. I might do something with Brussels sprouts this year – not decided.
- Guests: No assholes.
- Clean-up: That’s the other guy’s problem.
- Leftovers: Keep enough to have an entire additional Thanksgiving alone the following day – the rest can leave with the friends and loved-ones.
This is how it should look
Cook Like a Badass 