Keep It Together, People

For some, sequestration is an opportunity to find interests, talents, and skills we never knew existed. For others, it’s a time to lay down and die:

She’s not proud of herself – and Jeffrey is probably ripshit

Ina Garten has decided to spread PB&J on a waffle – and eat it. (she “claims” it was a homemade waffle that was in the freezer – may as well be an Eggo from the gas station)

The fact that it’s easy, doesn’t make it breakfast. Now is not the time to lower our standards – we’ll eventually emerge from quarantine and retake our place in society. Don’t give-up just yet. Scarfing down a few waffles in the dark is ok to sustain life, but don’t crow about it on the Instagram.

Especially not when I have a pile of idiot-proof breakfasts for you to enjoy:

• Biscuits and Gravy
• Scrambled Eggs w/ Bacon
• Ham & Cheese Quiche
• Bacon & Onion Quiche
• Crepes
• Fried Egg Sandwich

Just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself.

Also, “somehow, PB&J landed on it…” Are there mischievous elves in her kitchen? WTF.

Corona Cooking

Just because you’re locked in one place with your family doesn’t mean you can’t eat well, does it? No.

Instead of mourning the closing of swank eateries in your town, head into the kitchen and rattle some pots and pans.

Here are some ideas:

• Chili
• Spaghetti
• Cheddar Corn Chowder (or any soup, really)

and, let’s not forget Daddy’s (or Mommy’s) medicine:

• Manhattan
• Martini

Of course, this all depends on the status of your local grocer. I was at the market yesterday, and noticed that all (like, seriously, ALL) the canned tomatoes were gone. My guess: people are preparing to make my chili and spaghetti recipes – good for them! If you’re not already provisioned, um, oops…

Also missing from the store yesterday: rice, beans, pasta, toilet paper. Toilet paper: we’re doomed.